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Do long weekends challenge you?  Why?  Relationship broke up? Drinking too much? Feeling lost alone? Let me help you re-assess your life – make those changes to improve your quality and feel more fulfilled.

Sometimes we sabotage ourselves, feel we don’t deserve a good job, relationship and friends.   What support do you have, perhaps you are away from home and the people who used to help.    I am here to listen and help you discover who you are and what you deserve and perhaps even how to get there.  Why not call now for an appointment,  086 2851789 –  Give it a try !

The word shame is such a loaded word. I was thinking about it in relation to the recent rape case and indeed all the parties involved. What about Shame versus Guilt, are they the same? I am bad – I did something bad.
We all live with some shame whether it is about an emotion instilled when growing up – ashamed of our family – where we grew up – how we did in school – etc. etc. Depending on the words we use, the intensity of the shame may feel like embarrassment mild or otherwise. Our body language can express shame and can be obvious to others, lowering of the head, avoiding eye contact blushing and slumping the shoulders. Do any of these expressions ring any bells?
It can be an interesting exercise for all of us to look at how our shame has shaped our lives and learn how to deal with our perceptions.
Check out Christiane Sandersons book on Shame.

Here are a few strategies to help you overcome those feelings.

Get up early.

Become a master at belly breathing.
Those nice deep breaths will help to ground you.

Do not believe every thought and feeling that you have.
Understand that you created them and so can obliterate them too if they do not serve you well. Become an ANTeater, watch out for thos ANT’s (automatic negative thoughts).

Exercise 4/5 times week.
You will be surprised at how good you feel after.

Diet matters.
Plan your meals.

Meditate to calm the emotional centres of your brain and to encourage a more relaxed state. If you want to avoid or lessen the medications you are on for anxiety or depression, use; Meditation Physical Exercise Proper Nutrition ANT-eater techniques above.

Continue to build positive relationships in your life.
Practice clear communication, co-operation and forgiveness.

Get professional help if you need to.

1.Dress Sharp

Although clothes don’t make the man/woman, they certainly affect the way we feel about ourselves. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you won’t look good, it changes how you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personal apeparance.

2.Walk Faster

One of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about themselves is to look at how they walk. Is is slow, tired or painful? Maybe it is energetic and purposeful. People with confidence – walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see and important work to do. Walking 25% faster will make you look and feel more important.

3.Good Posture

The way a person carries themselves tells a story. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self-confidence. By practicing good posture you will automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up and make eye contact. You will make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

4. Gratitude

When you focus too much on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it. This leads you to dwell on your weaknesses. The best way to avoid this is to consciously focus on gratitude. Take five minutes every day to list things you are grateful for and you will be amazed at how much you have to be grateful for.

5. Compliment people

By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.

6. Speak Up

Many people don’t speak up because they are afraid of being judged by others. This fear is not really justified. Generally people are much more accepting then we image.

I guess the first thing to remember is that your emotions are not all of you, just one part, albeit a very important part.

What are they?
What is their purpose?
Can we control them?

OK what are they? They are feelings.

What do feelings do? They send us messages.
The message can be about survival, but can also be messages that by-pass our brain and thereby create consequences that can cause us to damage someone or thing else, or indeed ourselves. In the case of happy feelings, they are reminding us of the fact that we feel good about something, someone or ourselves.

Let’s identify some positive feelings;

Love, Joy, Gratitude, Pride, Contentment, Happiness, Amusement to name a few.

Even just reading these few positive ones creates a nice feeling and I am sure you can name even more by thinking a little harder and I did.


We are now going to create a completely different and less enjoyable sensation.
Hate, Sadness, Grief, Anger, Self-hate, failure, low self-esteem, anxiousness, nervous, impatience etc.

Can we control them?

Emotions tend to come up very quickly and sometimes we are not even aware of what is happening, so the first thing is to recognise in yourself when they do arise. Understand that these are feelings not always the truth about the situation. They can be distorted and the other thing is of course, they are not all of you. Being aware that something is affecting you emotionally is the first step in taking control of your behaviour and you can then respond and not react.

How you interpret what is happening will determine how you respond, and this involves taking a minute to assess the event.

You may ask yourself; Is it a good or bad feeling?

Am I responsible for this?
How much attention do I need to pay?
How much control do I have?

In order to ask myself these questions I must first of all employ the STOP signal.

S Stop
T Take a breath
O Observe what is happening to me and around me.
P Plan my action.

This will enable me to respond and not react without thought for myself and others. It will give me a moment to decide with my brain and not my body what result I want from this situation and get the best one for me.